A few days ago, I was TOLD by a fool that time was running out for me, that it was time that I settled down, got married, and had kids. Upon leaving this encounter, I was NOT told “Goodbye”, “It was nice to see you”, “Hope to see you again soon”, or any of the other pleasantries that one normally offers another when biding farewell. I was however, told that the next time he saw me I had better have a ring on my finger and my belly be poked out and pregnant. WTF? Is that not the RUDEST damn thing that you have ever heard? Additionally, in another instance, a former boss no less, told me that it was time that I settled down and got married because “my eggs are rotting” and that my time was running out. When he would introduce me to people, he would say: “This is LawGirl, she is single.” As if that is the tragedy of life. Also RUDE! Not only was my life critiqued by these people but my body as well. Did I give off the impression that I needed counseling on how to manage my life and my body?
The reality is that ladies whether married or not, with kids or not, are shamed for their life choices. Married girls tell me that people criticize them for not having kids yet. Mothers tell me that people criticize them for having “only one” kid or “too many” kids. Not to mention, all the other random shit women are told such as: “you're too skinny/fat”, “you’re too tall, don’t wear heels” and whatever else people decide to critique.
Apparently, there is some mystical “itinerary of life” that if a woman misses a stop or choose to take another path on the journey then the trip to happiness is wasted. So, it looks like for the women of the world, there is an appropriate age to get married and have kids, there is a correct number of kids to have, there is a correct weight to be, a correct height in which a girl should/should not wear heels and God forbid we wear heels that make us taller than a man. According to society, ladies are supposed to find a man, get married, pregnant, and then lose all that damn baby weight or any other kind of weight by a certain time or “our time is up”. What gives?!?
This is ENDLESSLY RIDICULOUS! Don’t get me wrong, being married and having kids is great IF and ONLY IF, that is what a lady chooses and wants; however, some women have medical problems and can’t have kids, some women desperately want kids and either can’t find Mr. Right or have tried for years and can’t get pregnant, some women want to adopt, and some just don’t want them. This ignorant asking and belittling is abusive and offensive.
On the flipside, say a girl does give in to this social bullying and gets married and has a kid but then realizes that she is unhappy and the marriage fails, the kid is possibly abused and put through hell due to the divorce, and the girl ends up on depression meds. (This is not an unlikely scenario. I see it all the time.) People will be right there to judge and say that no one will want a divorced girl, look what you did to your kid, it’s your fault that your marriage failed, you’re a bad mom, and on and on. There is no winning here for women.
Further, in these less than par encounters, sometimes I mentioned to the bullies that I an in law school as some sort of a defense. Often times I am asked: “ Why would you do a silly thing like that?” WHAT?!? Yes, why on earth would I, the apparent baby-making machine, want to be so stupid and go to law school? Is it that surprising that that I manage to load up my boobs and booty along with my all those heavy books and carry it all to law school in search of a better life for myself, my family, and most importantly the animals of the world?
I always end up so irritated days later, mostly with myself, for feeling like I had to defend myself or for keeping my mouth shut so as not to be rude. I have literally searched online and talked with various people about what the most correct response is when I am faced with these situations. I have found that many of the ladies of today are dealing with the same thing. It became clear to me that no answer is correct because whatever we answer back, we are perceived as and told that we are “rude”...
So, I don’t have any idea why in the year 2016, women are so shamed. I also cannot speak for anyone else (and I wouldn’t want to); however, I can speak for myself. So here it is! Here is the honest and raw answer that I am no longer going to defend, will not apologize for, and will be administering from now on: IT’S JUST NOT ANY OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS! No explanations, no Q&A sessions. That’s it. If that seems rude to you, you’re probably one of the idiots who shames ladies and maybe… just maybe... you’re the one being rude.
I am a very kind person, so it is only right to offer some help to rude people everywhere. Please see below for five fabulous suggestions on other things to do/say other than shame ladies who are just living it up.
1. Your hair and makeup look lovely today. How can I be more attractive?
2. Do you like pizza? Let me go get you one?
3. Do you like dogs? Can you come down to the shelter and help me find a new friend?
4. Oh, you’re in law school? Let write you a check to help with your education costs.
5. Your dogs are beautiful! Please tell me about them.
These are just a few to help you get started. Feel free to make up your own or change these to suit your situation. Much love and light to you all.