I feel like a different person. In so many ways I have changed. I have grown in the most unexpected of ways. I can definitely say that law school is as much about personal growth as it is about becoming a lawyer. I can only assume that they have designed law school to be that way or… maybe it’s just me. Whatever it is, it’s been a huge part of who I have become thus far.
The change is almost indescribable. I feel like the majority of the change is facing fear. When I was younger, almost nothing scared me. As I have gotten older, I have become fearful of a lot of things. Maybe it’s because I have a lot to lose now as opposed to when I was younger and had nothing to lose. Stepping inside the arena of law school is nothing but facing fears. When you first get there, you’re new and have no idea what is about to happen to you. You have no clue as to the hell you are about to go through. You have no idea how you will be pushed to the limits, spend many days and nights in tears, loose so much sleep, sacrifice relationships with friends and family. The workload is unreal and to this day, I still do not know how I got any of it done.
Law school is also very humbling. We are literally shamed daily. It’s hard and horrible but I do understand how it prepares us for the future. I know judges and colleagues will be hard on us and the environment of law school gets us ready for the brutality of the legal world. When I first started, I thought the professors were just being mean and they are but it is not without purpose… for the most part anyway.
I just want to say a bit about the last weeks of school which were so unbelievably hard. Everything came crashing down on us as far as school work. There were all kinds of things that were due, extra classes, extra study sessions, etc. After the looooooong days, I would have to rush home and study. A lot of the time, I couldn’t stay awake. I would start to study and then just pass out. I would wake up hours later and be furious with myself for sleeping. It was such a miserable time.
One thing that was particularly nerve wracking was oral arguments. For my Legal Writing class, we had to write a legal brief. Mine was on the Exception of Prescription. Basically, we were given a hypothetical situation and were told that we were the attorney for one of the sides. For the oral argument, we had to argue the opposite side from what we wrote our brief on. That became confusing. Anyway, we argued against members from another class. On the day of the arguments, it was just me and a girl from the other class. There was a professor from the school who acted as a judge and then my professor and the other girl’s professor were there to grade our performance. Thank God that the girl I argued against was a friend. I would have hated to argue against someone I did not know or someone that I don’t really like. LOL.
Anyway, we were standing outside the moot court room for almost an hour waiting to be called. Finally, we were called and it was upon me. As I walked into the moot court room, I felt scared and nervous. The court room is always cool and quiet. It feels so official and it’s so intimidating. The walk from the back of the courtroom to the attorney’s tables felt like hours. As soon as I scurried down the aisle in my suit and Manolo’s, I sat down on my side. My friend got up and did an amazing job. The whole time I am listening to her my palms are sweating and I could not remember what I was supposed to say. She finished and sat down. Then, it was my turn. I stood up, straightened my blazer and stood at the stand. My entire argument flowed out. The judge asked questions. I answered them and it was over. Our teachers gave us feedback and we left. Afterwards, my friend said she was so nervous. She looked so calm and collected. I can only hope I looked that calm and cool. I have horrible stage fright, so it was a personal victory for sure.
So, after all the arguments had been argued, and the study sessions had been attended, it was time for finals. We had two weeks of finals. Alternating days were off to prepare for the next final. I studied so much. I recorded my notes and listened to them in the car and in the shower. Literally, no free minute was wasted. However, when it came to the day of whatever final I was taking; it felt like it was never enough studying. I would feel like I had forgotten everything. During finals, I would get up in the middle of the night and head to school. It was still dark when I would get there. I would spend about two hours before my test and just go over everything. For most of my tests, when it came time to take the test, it was like I wasn’t myself. The law somehow came out of me and onto the test. For my Torts exam, I typed for four straight hours, no breaks, nothing. It was like the words flowed right out. Other exams, didn’t go as smoothly.
This semester I decided to type my exams. (Last semester I wrote them.) It went well for all of my finals except Property. Property was the one exam I did not feel good writing because the professor kept saying that people who wrote it in the past did not do well. I have a Chromebook that doesn't support Exam4 (the program that law schools use to have students type exams and submit them). So, I went out and bought a new laptop that does support the program. I figured my mom can have it and I can just use it for exams. Well, as luck would have it, somehow, the new computer froze as soon as I began typing my exam for property and I had to write it. Under the pressure of taking the hardest exam of the semester, I threw my arms in the air, in true Persian fashion, and had a mini meltdown. My professor came over and said that I would have to write it. I burst into tears and just started writing. I am hoping and praying that I did well enough to pass. My professor did come over and tell me to not let the computer ruin my game and that I could still do good. Every exam is four hours long but this one felt like an eternity. I just wanted it to be over. All the other exams were what I expected. I am looking forward to getting my grades. They will be released in a few days.
Walking out of my last exam was the best feeling in the world. I felt so carefree. I literally felt like I was about to take flight. The stress and heartache of it all was finally over. I am told that the second semester of 1L year is the hardest of all in law school. Let’s hope so. I can’t imagine it being any harder than this.
Ok, so I will end the blog here. I just wanted to give everyone an update about finals and the end of my first year of law school. Keep an eye out for my next post. It will be all about my internship and an exciting new job that I got. My internship situation has changed from what I previously posted so be sure to check back soon.
Thank you all for the love and support that you all have showed me this last year and especially this last semester. I’m officially done with my first year and I have never felt more accomplished in my life! Talk soon.